I struggle with asking for what I need. Mostly, I don't want to be seen as needy or a burden. I am embarrassed to ask for something that seems small or petty. So I stay quiet, try to figure it out on my own and, not only do I not get what I want, but I get frustrated that no one else magically intuited what I needed in the moment and offered to support me. Disconnection and disappointment results.
Put simply, you don't ask, you don't receive.
Alternatively, ask for what you need and just might get it.
Last week I gave an interview for 45 minutes where I shared my experience living with anxiety during Corona. During the interview I am super connected and on a high that I get from teaching and speaking. But I knew that in a few hours the adrenaline would drop, I would experience a "vulnerability vacuum" where I feel empty and insecure about what I shared and start to second guess everything I just did.
In the moment when I feel that energy it is challenging for me to pull myself out. So this time, I was honest, vulnerable, and asked for what I needed. When we concluded the interview I asked if I could make one small request;
"In a few hours I am going to feel really insecure about this interview and what I said and putting myself out there. Would you be able to send me an email or a text reassuring me with concrete positive feedback?"
And she did, and the email was awesome and I felt so much better and more confident as a result.
Technique: Identify what you need and make a clear request to take care of that need. If you don't know how to answer your need then make the request of your friend to help you figure it out.
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